Capitalism Run Amok

What happens when you’ve run out of ways to increase your business? You’ve already raised prices, and raised them again. You’ve laid employees off and forced the remaining ones to take a pay cut. No cuts for executives, though. (The mortgage on the St. Moritz villa is due.) You’ve trimmed the bennies down to nothing. You pinched every penny and squeezed every dime. But, somehow, it’s just not enough.

Why not try arson?

Yes, a couple of intrepid Domino’s Managers burned down the Papa John’s across the street in the hopes of scaring up more business.

But really, isn’t this just the free market deciding? Doesn’t it go to the core of the conservative economic argument? “People should be free to make as much money as they want in any way they see fit.”

We already make tons of laws based solely on the profit motive. Why not allow torching your opponent’s brick-and-mortar? Everything’s digital now anyway.

Then these demolitions could be supervised by properly trained personnel to ensure no collateral damage spreads to people or other property, or that the whole town stinks of tires and skunks for months.

There’s got to be a lot of Fire personnel who would love to make a little cheese on the side. It’d be like privatizing the Fire Department! Another victory for small government conservatives, whatever they are.

“I’d like to report an arson.”

“Well, let’s see. What’s the address? Looks like they got a Safety Certificate, signed off by a licensed Arson Engineer and a licensed Safety Engineer.”


“Look, prove it’s personal and not just profit motivated and you might have a case. Otherwise, quite wasting my time. I got real criminals to catch.”

It’s all about the money anyway, right. So if your insurance covers it and you can afford to rebuild – well, all it really cost was some points, right?

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59 Responses to Capitalism Run Amok

  1. LOL! Very true.

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